It's not gambling; it's business.
It is becoming increasingly clear that many Canadians want other Canadians to gamble. Gambling is, apparently, good for the economy. True, a lot of people are hurt by the effects of gambling - what is commonly referred to in spin doctor circles as "the downside" of gambling - but even when all those broken homes, lost investments and addicted souls are factored into the equation, gambling is pretty much all "upside" for the economy.
Fundraisers are also cashing in on people's love of easy money. A hundred dollar charity lottery ticket will buy you a one-in-27 chance of winning either a brand new monster home, or a CD player. And, of course, your hundred bucks goes towards building new schools or hospitals or jails or whatever - the things which were once upon a time paid for by the government.
But let's face it. Sitting at a one-armed bandit at Casino Rama or in Windsor or wherever, pumping loonies into a machine which may spit back $25 bucks from time to time, is really pretty small time for serious gamblers. And a one-in-27 chance of winning a kayak or a television isn't exactly going to raise the blood pressure and heart rate of the true dyed-in-the-wool gamester.
No. For those requiring the full-bore, high octane, take-no-prisoners-show-no-mercy, double-espresso hit of true risk-taking, there is now the delight and excitement of on-line stock trading.
Yes sir, in a development that would make P.T. Barnum weep with delight to see his adage of "there is a sucker born every minute" proven out, anybody with a home computer, Internet access and access to unlimited resources such as the family home or the employee home retirement fund, can now log on, 24 hours a day, and buy and sell stocks with the best - or worst - of them. Mind, it would be helpful if potential players first learned the meaning of words such as "margin", "wired funds", "leverage buy-out" and "insolvency."
Here is how it works. Through on-line trading companies such as E*Trade Securities or InvesTrade, anybody can fill out an application online and, after receiving a password and account number, proceed to gamble away the family fortune by buying and selling stocks and mutual funds. If you think that, say, Novell, the software maker, is likely to be a popular up-and-comer, you can buy stocks in the company, watch the market rise and fall for a few minutes, and when the stock is up enough, you can sell out and make money. Simple, right? Or you can buy stock in a pharmaceutical company, watch it rise and then plunge suddenly towards oblivion, at which point you can panic, cut your losses and run, and lose all your money. Equally simple.
One such "trader" who had decided to quit his job and spend all his time playing the market says that on his best day he made $30,000 US. He went out and bought a BMW by way of celebrating. Of course, his worst day was when he lost 80,000 US. But in this business you have to learn to take the bad with the good, right?
So isn't this more like it? Now we are talking true excitement with high risk and the chance of phenomenal returns. If on-line trading won't get your adrenaline pumping, you are obviously too dead to have a computer in the first place.
To a generation raised on Nintendo and Sega, this trading game should be familiar territory. The screen even looks a little like a computer game, with lots of images and crawling numbers and high speed, reflex driven action. The only difference between this and a rousing game of Riven or Doom is that if you lose to the market you can't just reboot the game. You only get to re-enter after you sell your house.
Naturally, there are all sorts of costs attached to playing the home trader version of the stock exchange. There are signup fees, account transfer fees, wired funds out fees and certificate withdrawal fees; safekeeping fees, annual fees, de-registration fees and account research request fees. And after it is all over, there will undoubtedly be lawyer fees and therapist fees. But these are all small potatoes when compared to the rush and potential gain of true gambling excitement.
I have to admit that I have not actually been able to play the home trader game: I still have 546 payments left on my 1991 Chevy Lumina. But once those payments are finished, I plan to make a fortune on the stock market. With the car paid for, I will at least have a place to live.
Boring but solvent, I'm Otte Rosenkrantz.
Fundraisers are also cashing in on people's love of easy money. A hundred dollar charity lottery ticket will buy you a one-in-27 chance of winning either a brand new monster home, or a CD player. And, of course, your hundred bucks goes towards building new schools or hospitals or jails or whatever - the things which were once upon a time paid for by the government.
But let's face it. Sitting at a one-armed bandit at Casino Rama or in Windsor or wherever, pumping loonies into a machine which may spit back $25 bucks from time to time, is really pretty small time for serious gamblers. And a one-in-27 chance of winning a kayak or a television isn't exactly going to raise the blood pressure and heart rate of the true dyed-in-the-wool gamester.
No. For those requiring the full-bore, high octane, take-no-prisoners-show-no-mercy, double-espresso hit of true risk-taking, there is now the delight and excitement of on-line stock trading.
Yes sir, in a development that would make P.T. Barnum weep with delight to see his adage of "there is a sucker born every minute" proven out, anybody with a home computer, Internet access and access to unlimited resources such as the family home or the employee home retirement fund, can now log on, 24 hours a day, and buy and sell stocks with the best - or worst - of them. Mind, it would be helpful if potential players first learned the meaning of words such as "margin", "wired funds", "leverage buy-out" and "insolvency."
Here is how it works. Through on-line trading companies such as E*Trade Securities or InvesTrade, anybody can fill out an application online and, after receiving a password and account number, proceed to gamble away the family fortune by buying and selling stocks and mutual funds. If you think that, say, Novell, the software maker, is likely to be a popular up-and-comer, you can buy stocks in the company, watch the market rise and fall for a few minutes, and when the stock is up enough, you can sell out and make money. Simple, right? Or you can buy stock in a pharmaceutical company, watch it rise and then plunge suddenly towards oblivion, at which point you can panic, cut your losses and run, and lose all your money. Equally simple.
One such "trader" who had decided to quit his job and spend all his time playing the market says that on his best day he made $30,000 US. He went out and bought a BMW by way of celebrating. Of course, his worst day was when he lost 80,000 US. But in this business you have to learn to take the bad with the good, right?
So isn't this more like it? Now we are talking true excitement with high risk and the chance of phenomenal returns. If on-line trading won't get your adrenaline pumping, you are obviously too dead to have a computer in the first place.
To a generation raised on Nintendo and Sega, this trading game should be familiar territory. The screen even looks a little like a computer game, with lots of images and crawling numbers and high speed, reflex driven action. The only difference between this and a rousing game of Riven or Doom is that if you lose to the market you can't just reboot the game. You only get to re-enter after you sell your house.
Naturally, there are all sorts of costs attached to playing the home trader version of the stock exchange. There are signup fees, account transfer fees, wired funds out fees and certificate withdrawal fees; safekeeping fees, annual fees, de-registration fees and account research request fees. And after it is all over, there will undoubtedly be lawyer fees and therapist fees. But these are all small potatoes when compared to the rush and potential gain of true gambling excitement.
I have to admit that I have not actually been able to play the home trader game: I still have 546 payments left on my 1991 Chevy Lumina. But once those payments are finished, I plan to make a fortune on the stock market. With the car paid for, I will at least have a place to live.
Boring but solvent, I'm Otte Rosenkrantz.
posted by Millie Beagle at 7:59 am
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