Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Soul Chips

Soul Chips
I have been receiving a lot of interesting information about the possibility of having a computer chip implanted in my brain. Apparently a number of scientists with far too much time on their hands have been noodling with the notion of slipping computer chips into people’s heads. While there are all sorts of medical benefits to be derived from these chips, what makes me excited is the suggestion that the chips will eventually help us do things like remember where we left our car keys, and what the name of our boss’ youngest nephew is.
I want to publicly throw my support behind this vital research, primarily because I'm tired of having to call a cab every time I lose my car keys, and because I am continually forgetting the names of people who have an irritating habit of remembering mine.
What could apparently happen with these brain chips is that the people sporting them would have a small access port installed in their heads to let the scientists program the computers. This sounds like trouble. The potential problem here is that computer programmers will eventually control the world even more than they already do. As a result, people with chips in their heads would constantly have to reboot themselves, and trade their chips in for upgrades. Parents would wake up in the morning unable to remember their children’s names because those memory files had been mysteriously lost, and of course, depending on the chip, some people would only be able to do one or two things at a time because their chips didn’t have the ability to multi-task.
By the same token, powerful enough chips would allow people to pretend to carry on a conversation with a boring person while really checking and responding to their e-mail in their heads.
The possibilities are limitless. Those of us prone to forgetting where we are supposed to be at any given time could have our memories expanded. Children could have their read-only memories programmed with rules for proper behaviour and directions for finding their clothes in the morning.
Best of all, the suggestion is that eventually these chips will be so refined that they will allow direct connection to the World-wide Web. In this way, people can surf the net and do a little shopping when they are pretending to be listening to lectures or watching reality TV. And when it comes time to go to their eternal reward, people could, if they so wished, upload their souls to the Internet, to surf the Web in perpetuity. The drawback here, of course, is that parents would be able to nag their adult children forever, showing up on computer screens at the most inopportune times.
By now, most of you are no doubt champing at the bit to rush out and have one of these micro wonders drilled into your heads. Unfortunately, you may want to wait a little. Researchers are estimating the chips’ current value to be around $300,000 a piece. But they are also suggesting that the chip could eventually be mass-produced and sold at 50 bucks a hit.
So pretty soon, the question consumers have to worry about is not whether they should want to OWN a PC or a Mac, but whether they want to BE a PC or a Mac.
Ready for my upgrade, I’m Otte Rosenkrantz.
Who Links Here Free Website Counter
Free Web Counter